I can feel myself letting go of things…A LITTLE BIT! Let me explain;
I’m sure some of you can guess the type of mum that I am from previous posts and rants or on a personal level, but if you don’t know, I’m that super protective mum who wants to do everything for Olive on my own no matter how exhausted I might be, I am the one who carries her everywhere and makes sure she is safe, I squint and examine everyone who takes her from me always somehow feeling jealousy when she is out of my arms, the mum who doesn’t listen to people when they tell me I should put my baby down straight after feeding so that she learns not to sleep on me because I love the way she sleeps on me and feels so safe with me,or I’ll come running from any direction if I hear her cry, I take her along with me EVERYWHERE- every job I have or party I attend unless it’s a job or party that I can’t take her in which case I cry my eyes out and then only trust my parents, sister and mother in law to babysit her but even still I cry and worry so much! I could go on but I think you catch the drift?
I guess I could blame the way I am with Olive on being a new mum, so many people tell me that they go through or went through the same things and then there are also those mums who like to show you that your way of doing things isn’t the right way but let me not get into that… anyway what I’m trying to get at is that I can feel myself letting go a little, I know her so well that when she cries and its fake crying I find myself taking a pause and letting her try and calm herself down whereas before I would have grabbed her up in a second, I feel a little more comfortable with lots of different people holding her, I feel a little more comfortable even not being in the same room with her as I’m doing errands or doing some work whereas before she had to be insight at all times, I feel a little more comfortable with the idea of leaving her at home whereas this was unimaginable before, I am so happy that I am at this point because I feel more relaxed about Olive than before, relaxed in a sense that I know she’s ok (of course I still worry every single minute of every day that Olive is ok and nothing bad happens to her and I’m there always hoping she’s not unhappy but smiling all day), but you get what I mean yeah?