I want to do absolutely everything for Olive, even though I’m very tired, yes, that doesn’t mean I want anyone else doing it, I may complain about being tired and having no energy, yes, but again that doesn’t mean I want anyone else taking care of her. Any new mama’s feel me on this? At times you get home after a really REALLY long day of work and you still “have” to take care of your baby and you may want to cry a little and feel sorry for yourself because you just feel so exhausted, so you do actually have a little cry and maybe be a little dramatic even though you know very well you wouldn’t have it any other way! People offer me help, like Wayne and my mother always ask if they should take Olive for a while and I answer “no” quite quickly and as if to say ” How could you even ask me that?!”, and I am so grateful for the help & support I have around me but I still want to be able to do it all!! I’m sure this will change when O is a bit bigger, I wont feel the need to do it all myself and it will be easier for me to let people take care of her while I catch some sleep or “relax” on my own for a while, but that’s my struggle at the moment!
I love spending time with my baby, she just means the absolute world to me so I know that even when I have those days that just seems too hard, I see her smile and everything is ok again, that smile is exactly why I am working so hard!
Side note, This is really terrible but do any of you mama’s or papa’s relate?; It gives me secret joys when O might not be so happy in someones arms and as soon as she gets back into mine she is happy, she loves her mama! Don’t tell me I’m the only one who thinks this. Now please don’t get me wrong, I do not in any way want O to be unhappy with people (it’s actually quite the contrary because O is quite an easy going baby and is usually happy with everyone, just those off times), I also just don’t want O to be unhappy at all, period, but there are those times it happens and I’m the only one she wants and it kind of makes me feel like I’m the best thing since breast milk in her eyes and I secretly love it!