Alright so let’s talk labour, now, full disclosure; If you’re here to read me ramble on about the beauty and majesty of child birth, and how incredibly purposed and fulfilled I felt as a woman completing my womanly and very sacred duty of producing the miracle of life…you may want re evaluate your expectations, or perhaps just skip this post entirely .
I mean child birth. WTF is that all about!!
The. Worst. Pain. You. Could. Ever. Go. Through!!!!!
Now look, I didn’t go in there expecting it to be an easy quick job, I mean I had plenty of mothers approach me with their war stories and tales of child birth, but lets be honest, NOTHING could have prepared me for what I was going to go through. Nothing!!
It wasn’t even the part of pushing a whole human being out of you that was the problem, It was those evil, horrific, excruciating, cruel, unholy contractions!! UNHOLY!!!
Now luckily (and at the same time very unlucky for me) my labour room was packed with my loving family all there to support and help me through it. Or at least try. There was my boyfriend Wayne, whose loving hand I continued to slap violently away throughout the day, as well as my mother, father, sister and mother in law.
Now a quick thank you to my mother in law and sister, who were by far the smartest of the bunch because they sat in the room completely quiet. Wayne and my dad on the other hand were in there talking about “it’s ok Tatiana” “ its fine, it will be over”…I saw red!! side note to all men and expecting fathers, if I can offer you ANY advice, DO NOT, do not, do not, do not, do notttt ever tell a screaming woman whose riving about in pain that “its okay” IT IS NOT OKAY!!!! OKAY??!!
But still, it was my mother who faced the sharpest side of my wrath, but thankfully, she just seemed to take it and completely understood what I was going through.
The nurse was also amazing, she just knew what to say, when to say it and how to say it. Her back rubs were also a big contributor to the sanity I was able to hold on to. In my darkest moments, nearing the end when I couldn’t take it anymore, I felt myself turning into a bit of a monster, but then I remember her saying “Tatiana, what happened, we used to be friends?!“, it really made me laugh, even though I didn’t show it!
And now here I sit, my aching body holding on strong to the memory of whatever traumatic event that it went through, now to think about my period I will get again in a few months, and the thought of menopause that will come in my (very distant) but true future. Hah! God, talk about favoritism of the sexes. Im done!!!